Item: 1 9 1/2 x 7 green notebook

This is my journal, which hasn't been written in since February 11, 2006.  It's actually only been written in 3 times this year.  Not that it used to be an everyday thing, but I did think there would be more in it than that.  I've been neglecting it probably because this blog has taken its place in some ways.  It serves some of the same functions, but not all.

A lot of the things I write about here the same topics I'd be writing about privately -- it's just the way that I go about it that's different.  For an audience, there's another level of consciousness oriented toward making myself sound good.  It's not good to write only for myself, but focusing so much on the external has almost left me feeling like there isn't anything internal there anymore.

For the last week or so, I've been feeling pulled to shut everything off and do enough inner scolding and contemplating and plotting and lecturing and sorting out of fine distinctions to feel like myself again.  Feeling like whatever these things are that I haven't been addressing are essential to me being me.  In other words, I love having a blog but I also really, really, really want to write in my journal and I haven't had time.